one year

I didn't know if I was coming out of the bathroom stall.

I didn't know if I was going to walk onto the plane.

I was alone. It was up to me to unlock the door, to look myself in the mirror, to tell myself - this is it.

And that was it, I was on my way to Ghana.

That was a year ago -
A year ago today I was scared of the unknown, of where I was going, of what I was doing.

"I believe writing changes you," he told us.

I believe experience changes you. I believe you can change as much as you allow yourself to be open.
And being open is one of the hardest challenges.

I opened myself up to Ghana and I don't ever want to close myself off.
There are no doors, just caution tape.

But when the future is intimidating, when you don't know what is going to happen next,
when you realize it's all up to you, a little luck, a lot of work, and ton of support,
it seems easier to crawl back under the covers,
to distance yourself,
to turn down the volume.

Let it play, loudly,
Let it hold your hand, tightly,
Let it pull you out of bed, quickly,
Let it open you up, forever.

I didn't know what would happen,
I wasn't prepared to fall in love,
with a place, with a people,
that created a space for me to grow.
But it happened,
A year ago today it started.

And this writing, it has changed me, and it is continuing to.

Sankofa

Five months ago on this day I was walking out the door on the way to the airport.

Today I am walking out the door with a greater understanding of the world.

No one can take that away from me.

No one can change what happened.

And I’m okay with that.

I’m okay with that because I’ve learned a lot about myself,

And I’m not afraid to be me anymore.

I was.

But now I understand,

I can stand up because I have so much support behind me.

It’s about new experiences,

Facing challenges,

And it doesn’t have to happen in another country,

It can happen right here.

That’s what I’m learning now.

It’s okay to miss.

But it’s also okay to move forward.

I will carry these past four months with me,

Reflecting on the past,

Looking towards to the future,

That’s the meaning of the Sankofa bird,

Holding the egg of the future

While looking backward.

That will remind me,

To be.

Thinking back to 8th Grade

This evening I was back at Charlottesville Catholic School giving the keynote speech at the eighth grade graduation. It was honor to have been invited, to be able to share my dream, to bring a piece of Ghana back with me. 

What if?

Life is full of “what if” questions. What is the first one that comes to your mind?

What if I’m not ready to leave my friends?

What if I don’t fit in at high school?

or

What if I had a super power, what would it be?

Some of our questions are unrealistic, some are our dreams, some are our hopes for the future but all of them make us wonder; make us think, about the consequences, about the possibilities, and about the realities.

The reality right now is that you are leaving this community, this school, this class, and taking the next step, one step closer to answering some of your what if questions, others will remain unanswered for days, weeks, perhaps forever.

But who I am to be talking to you about the next step? I sat where you are seven years ago listening to my graduation speaker and wondering what he was talking about. He had all of these points and I didn’t seem to be processing any of them. So if that’s what’s happening to you, here’s my one point– dreams can come true.

It’s cheesy, it’s cliché, it’s a phrase you’ve probably heard a million times but it’s true.

This past semester my dream of going to Africa came true. From my Catholic School graduation in 2005 to graduation from Charlottesville High School in 2009 to my college years at Tulane University in New Orleans, I have kept dreaming. I am now entering my senior year, having traveled abroad to Ghana in West Africa and am ready to start dreaming again.

My dream of going to Africa started in Kindergarten. After learning about it one day in class I came home and wanted to know why we couldn’t take a family vacation there. I’m not quite sure what my initial attraction to Africa was but something drew me to this mysterious continent. When I started thinking about studying abroad there was no question in mind where I wanted to go. So I applied, was accepted into the program and then the realization sank in.

“Can.” Your dreams can come true, if you are ready to put in the work, in the time, in the effort, in whatever it takes to take the next step. Your immediate next step is high school. And what are your dreams of high school?

Those dreams are affected every day by your actions, by what you choose to do and what you choose not to do. And that’s what I’m here to talk to you about. Because even though you all have different feelings about graduating, about high school, you are all in the same boat. After today you start making your own choices as a rising high school student. And those choices may or may not lead you closer to your dreams.

The choices I made throughout high school and throughout college led me closer to Africa. While I was there I spent time studying at the University of Ghana and teaching English Comprehension to fourth, fifth, and sixth graders. But most importantly I began to understand why I was in Africa, what had drawn me to this place since Kindergarten.

I was laying in bed one night under my mosquito net in Ghana and started thinking about how I had gotten here, what choices I had made, what questions I had along the way, and what my next steps were going to be.

And I realized something in that moment, it all started here at the Catholic School. In this community, surrounded by God, surrounded by people that treated one another with respect, that built one another up instead of tearing one another down that I was able to dream. But why did I realize it then and not sooner?

Being in Ghana was the first time I felt surrounded by a community like that again. These were a people that kept God close every day, who believed there’s a bigger picture, who when questioned about what they believed never faltered. Every day during my four months there I encountered God and Jesus either in conversation or in my physical environment. A common answer to “How are you?” was “Fine by God’s Grace.” The structures where people sold goods may be named “Prince of Peace Bakery” or “God is Life Electronics.” A close Ghanaian friend of mine and I frequently talked about religion and he would always tell me that there was a reason God brought me to Ghana. And my host mother would tell me not to thank her but to thank God for he is the one providing for us.

There may be times in the next days, weeks, years that you start questioning what you believe. Some of you may already have questions. Ask the questions. Find the deeper meaning in religion. That’s what I’ve been doing for seven years. And it’s brought me to my dream; it’s brought me closer to God, and closer to figuring out what I believe.

And what I believe today is that God brings us closer to our dreams and closer to one another, though we may not ever understand how it happens. Looking back in my past where my dream began, I see my Kindergarten friend, Katie and I. Although at first she thought I was a boy with my short hair we soon became fast friends. We were in elementary school together, came to the Catholic School together, and finally went to Charlottesville High School together. However, saying “together” may be misleading.

In the past few years I have come to learn more about my friend and her time in middle school then I previously knew. And what I’ve learned is that not everyone has the same experience. It seems pretty obvious to say that no one’s experience is the same, but it’s something else to understand what that means. It took me years to understand that my and Katie’s time in middle school was vastly different. And that’s why it’s difficult for me to stand up here before you as an outside speaker, because right now I know that each of you is having a different experience and I wish I could hear from each of you what that is. Some of you are probably ready for high school and others may need this summer to take time to move forward. But instead of being able to hear those things, I am up here hoping that at the very least you will spend a few minutes dreaming and sharing with one another your dreams, as I share mine.

And that you will continue to share with your friends here what life in high school is like because our friends and families are the support on the way to our dreams. Your friendships don’t end here, this I know from experience. Although my friends from middle school and I have taken different paths, we all sat where you are seven years ago, we all have this shared experience of graduation and this connection to Charlottesville Catholic School that will never change.

I am truly honored and undoubtedly blessed to be standing here before you, that my steps have lead me back to my roots, back here to Charlottesville Catholic School.

I want to leave you with one last thought.

The other afternoon I sat with a preschool student who had been removed from playing with his friend because he and his friend were being disruptive. I told him he had two choices. “You can choose to misbehave and sit with me while your friends play outside or you can choose to change your actions and go play with your friends.”

What if you can’t decide what choice to make?

Think about your dreams, about the consequences, about the possibilities, and what decision will help take you one step closer to your dream.

Something Missing

            Or too much happening,

            There’s a past here,

            There it was just the beginning.

            Work,

            Planning,

            Looking toward the future,

            It’s easy to miss the present.

            That’s it,

            That’s what I see missing,

            Our present.

Ghana and You Video

This semester I spent time interviewing other students on my CIEE program about why they chose Ghana, what they're learning, and a ton of other questions. Thanks to the Darden Scholarship from Tulane University, I was able to edit the interviews and put together this video titled "Ghana and You."

Thanks to everyone who participated! If you have suggestions or comments please let me know!

Check it out:
https://vimeo.com/42986536

"Obruni" Return

            One whole day back in the U.S. and I want the words to describe this, how it is being back, to be perfect. But here’s the thing, there are no perfect words.

            What I see now, it’s different.

            It’s easy to come back and see the differences,

            It’s easy to come back and be angry at how much we have here,

            It’s easy to come back and forget,

            It’s easy to come back and judge.

            But all of this makes it harder in the end.

            Everyone’s return will be different. This is just mine, my opinion for now.

            I am seeing the similarities.

            I am accepting us for who we are and what we have.

            I am staying open to sharing.

            I am trying my hardest not to judge.

            I prepared for this return, each day teaching myself so I wouldn’t forget.

            It sounds crazy to prepare for coming home but it’s worked.

            This transition, this return, it takes time,

time to process, time to miss, time to be sad,

time to be appreciative, time to remember,

time to write, time to share.

“Claire, the lights are out. I am using one of the candles you gave me,” Grandma told me today. “I miss you and love you.”

Me too.

I will keep writing, Ghana to America, I will share, even when it’s hard.

            Right now.

Winneba

Yesterday morning we left to visit Charlottesville’s Sister City, Winneba. Located along the coast about an hour and a half drive from Accra we decided to take the tro-tro there. We tried to beat the traffic by leaving early and we set off in a cab to pick a tro-tro at Kaneshie Station. After contacting a few people back in Charlottesville we were put in touch with Tina, a delegate for Winneba. She graciously showed us around the town, explaining to us that we had just missed the Deer Hunting Festival, which took place this past weekend, and that we would also be missing the fishermen’s’ celebration in the afternoon. I told her this gave me another reason to come back to Ghana.

While taking us around town she told us that we would pay a visit to the Mayor Chief Executive of Winneba. (Yes, we’re a big deal around here). Then we went to lunch where Tina told us all about the activities of Winneba and about her travels to Charlottesville. Hearing about Charlottesville, being with my mom, and being in Ghana, I felt the sadness about going home go away a little bit. (Don’t worry it’s back today).

We traveled back home in the afternoon and arrived just in time for Grandma’s jollof rice. Nikki, Melissa, and Amy came over for dinner and joined Grandma, my mom, and me. It was an amazing last night. And now we are preparing to leave.

Caught in the in-between, between America and Ghana, between wanting to leave and wanting to stay, between smiles and tears, between dirt and concrete, I have fallen in this gutter of life, and soon I will be on the other side.